Obviously motherhood and parenting in general is all about change and growth. This third year of watching Ernie seemed to explode with growth in ways I didn’t know would be so amazing (and also at times oh-so-challenging) to be a witness to.
Ernie spent about six months in weekly speech therapy sessions this year and truly now you’d have no idea he was ever struggling with language as almost everything he says is intelligible and, as toddlers are wont to do, he never stops asking us questions. He never stops moving. He is a huge fan of climbing and running and exploring the world around him. On vacation recently he spent more than an hour peeking into tide pools with us and exclaiming “look at them all!” when we saw sand dollars littering the beach. His favorite color is light green, he will eat French fries for every meal, and whenever we come home from being out he tells his favorite stuffed friend, Blue Puppy, “I missed you Blue Puppy!” while giving his nose kisses. He will “play sink” for as long as we let him, dumping cups and bowls into each other and trying to figure out how drains work (enormous appreciation to Jacob here who built Ernie an outdoor sink setup that recycles water so we can stop feeling so much pain for the environment during this endless activity). He wants to wear his “beeyooweeyoo” jammies (firetrucks) every single night.
Exactly five days after Ernie turned two he started preschool, just as I was starting out at a new job. It’s been an interesting side-by-side to observe — him exploring a new space, making friends for the first time ever, and figuring out how to cooperatively exist alongside other humans; and me returning to a somewhat familiar space (albeit fully virtual), trying to make new work friends again, and remembering how to exist alongside other humans. Both of us spending significantly less time together than the year prior. Sometimes it feels heartbreaking to be missing so many moments of his day; and often it feels freeing to know he is perfectly cared for — at a place he adores, among people he hugs every single day when we arrive. The juggle in our house of school, full time jobs, pets, and the ever-present and constant deluge of meals/dishes/laundry/vacuuming is hard. It’s hard and overwhelming in ways that aren’t always easy to verbalize.
The highs of being Ernie’s parent are so high. Tears easily spring to my eyes on an almost daily occurrence because he’s made a new silly rhyme, he figured out a new skill (the limit does not exist on the number of different containers that can contain pom-poms), or he finally is interested in picking out his own outfits and chooses some great pairings. And the lows, the challenges, are low. The three year sleep regression is hitting us all hard right now and I’ve tried to keep in mind how fleeting everything thus far has seemed, to try to remind myself that it all continues to move so fast, this current struggle will be a blip. Eventually.
Happy Third Birthday, my sweet Ernie. You take my breath away with how much I love you… and also when you play jungle gym parents and are literally squishing my lungs.
Here are my reflections on year one and year two of motherhood.